The happenings of the ending of 2006 frustrated me more than I liked.  Remembering how I felt during that time made me think of a possible journal entry:

Does anyone else see how ridiculous it is to execute, the former dictator of a largely Muslim country on a high of holy day...Eid Day?  And our President says....  "It is an important milestone on Iraq's course to becoming a democracy that can govern, sustain, and defend itself, and be an ally in the war on terror."  Am I the only one that sees that we are creating a generation of children that will hate our country?  Fifteen years from now, we will be completely screwed.

What is going on in Iraq is about as smart as when the US funded and trained anti-communist forces in Afghanistan.  Iraq will never be an ally in the "War on Terror".  America has become, in my opinion, the biggest global terrorist.  We live in a country where the government seems to put profits above its own people, A Republic of Corrupt Corporations, and it can be frustrating.  With US troop fatalities reaching 3003, when will it end?  And how?

War happens, and is necessary...to an extent.  Just as fire is important for forests grow. Without destruction there can be no renewal.  However, when you destroy a country and have no plan in place on how to renew it, what will grow in its place?
How sad will it be if we slaughtered a few countries to build a new nation that hates itself.  All in an effort to destroy an "evil power" It seems senseless, and poorly planned.

Well I got arrested on Cinco de Mayo for driving on a suspended license.
Jail was not so bad.  My employer wasn’t fair about the whole thing, assuming that I committed vehicular homicide or something.  But once it was explained that I was hit after leaving work, and that the only reason I went to jail was because the law had to send me there (due to the status of my DL), they calmed down a little.

So right now I am dealing with not driving (Saturday night alone, I spent $110 in cabs), and wondering if I am going to be put on probation (woohoo!!!) or as much as 2 years in prison.  My boyfriend is really annoyed his insurance is going up and reminds me CONSTANTLY.  But mostly I'm dealing with trying not to get depressed about how close I came to fixing all the mistakes I made at 19.
I was 29 days away from getting my license free and clear, after nearly 5 years, of paying fines, going to jail, probation, classes, court ordered therapy, going to court dozens of times, random drug testing, humiliating phone calls to jobs, no legal vehicles in my name, community service, random searches of my property, and fines fines fines!  All this started because I didn't take care of speeding tickets.
Now some asshole hits me on I-95 and I may have to do it all over again.  Another 5 years of this bullshit.

Who is to blame for this whole mess??  It is my fault.  I was driving, which I am not legally allowed to do.  I haven’t been allowed to drive legally for nearly 6 years.  See, when I was 18 I drove like a maniac.  I got a ton of tickets that I didn't take care of.  I went to jail so many times and didn't even care.  I didn't care about anything.  In the back of my head I guess I thought, “how bad can it get, it's just a couple dozen speeding tickets over 100mph, just a few aggressive driving tickets(the road rage ticket).  How bad can it get?”

Being 22-years-old now, I have grown up a lot, and have realized the error of my ways.  Time doesn’t only heal all wounds, it matures you as well.  I now know the importance of following traffic laws, and realize they are there for our safety.  Most laws do, in fact, have benefits to them, and we should all try our hardest to follow them.  IT IS THE MORALLY RIGHT THING TO DO.

I believe that lack of communication is wrong.  Communication is everywhere.  When you turn on the TV, the TV communicates with you about stories, the weather, and other topics.  When you drive your car, you have to use turn signals and brake lights in order for other drivers to not crash into you.  Even when you get sick and take medication, you’re communicating with your own body to get well.  Communication is very important, without it, no one would have knowledge of what was going on around them.  Without communication, people would stay guessing and make millions of mistakes. 

            An example of the importance of communication follows…
Bob has a problem communicating.  He has a girlfriend that he’s been living with for a year.  When he first met his girlfriend, he got her name tattooed on the inside of his lip.  Two months ago, he got her name tattooed really big on his leg.  Now, Bob went to pick his girlfriend up from work, and on the way back home (to their house) he ended up dropping her off at her grandma’s house instead.  He drove off, and she hasn’t heard from him for two weeks.

            Now, how is Bob’s girlfriend to know what’s going on when he hasn’t told her anything?  She doesn’t know if they’re together or not, she doesn’t even know what went wrong to make Bob react the way he did.  The right thing to do would be for Bob to let her know what’s going on through his head (communicate with her) so she doesn’t end up assuming something he really doesn’t want her to assume.  In any situation or matter, communication IS the key, without it, people just run around like lab rats.

It’s so easy to become one of them, a person who talks about other people.  Sometimes it works like peer pressure; some people have friends that talk about others and might start doing the same when speaking with those friends.  Others might not like hearing people gossip and become so frustrated with those blabbermouths that they start criticizing the busy bodies.  Becoming a complainer and whining about gossipers can be considered morphing into one of them; because at a certain point, complaining is also gossiping about other people.  Some excel in the mind over matter idea; they learn they have the power to make anyone think whatever they want them to think.  That idea of worrying about surrounding people turns some into busy bodies as well.  Possessing a strong mind is beneficial to resistance from this reform; but when bothered by other people’s actions or words, gossip takes the best of us.

Detrimental to the population, gossip is depressing.  It plants insecurity in otherwise confident people and has the ability to distract the mind from important issues.  People who are against gossip can become gossipers at one point or another depending on how aggravated or inspired they become by it.  Public rant is the nature of most members of society.  Although the life of small talk will keep on, hopefully more and more will realize that gossip is more of a hinder than a help to mankind. 

Some souls have taken so much pity on the masses just from hearing, “So and so, and so and so…” and “I heard she...” and “He’s so…” and “Did you know she…” or even “He doesn’t…”  The general public is only interested in belittling one another, and it’s very sad.

If someone overhears people talking about them self, he or she may become insecure.  I knew a young, handsome, intelligent, caring, wise beyond his years, and respectful guy named Michael who was a co-worker of mine.  We were waiters at a restaurant and, despite the fact that most of the wait staff was male, he always kept to himself.  He made the most tip money out of all of us and felt he only came to the restaurant to work and make money, not to make friends, even though he didn’t have anything against anyone. 

One slow shift he was in the kitchen and he overheard a small group of waiters whispering about him saying, “Michael’s gaining weight and his face is breaking out, so why does he think he’s so much better than everyone else?”  Poor Michael took it to heart; the harsh words put a damper on his confidence.  He didn’t say anything to them, but after that he started going to the gym and using acne medication.  Within a couple weeks, he slowly started socializing at work; he didn’t want anyone thinking poorly of him, especially when he had to be around them everyday at work.  The beginning of his seek for other people’s approval showed Michael was no longer as sure of himself as he once was, which could have been prevented hadn’t others gossiped about him.

From magazines and newspapers, hit TV shows and top news stories, to lyrics in music and radio show broadcasts… gossip is everywhere.  Society has been hearing stories from the grapevine for a very long time now.  There’s always some rumor or chitchat that busybodies just can’t help speaking of.  Many people talk to one another about other people, hardly ever thinking before they speak. The problem with this favorite pastime is that most fail to realize that it negatively affects ourselves and each other, not to mention our everyday lives.  Some would say gossip is the art of small-minded people.  The negative effects of small talk are endless; not only is gossip annoying and tiresome, it’s also depressing, causes self-consciousness, and has the power to morph people who would normally rather converse about ideas and events into gossipers as well.

I know these things, I see them everyday, am sometimes tempted by them…. I sometimes say certain hurtful things in defense that I know God himself in all his love will never say to someone, I feel like I can’t help it, and at the same time I know it’s wrong.

I feel cursed… cursed with knowledge and I still in fact, want to know why!!!  And isn’t THAT the thirst for more knowledge???/ isn’t that wrong too?  I understand who He has sympathy over… humbleness, modesty, unworthy feelings…. I used to feel these things, now I don’t, and I know it’s wrong, but then by knowing so, I still don’t feel them… WHAT IS WRONG with me????  What am I supposed to make of this way that I am????  Is this in fact growing up???? Am I now supposed to have children to teach right and wrong to them?   But wouldn’t that be taking away their innocence as well??  What to do??? I have so many questions… I wish I didn’t know about it at all, and since I do, I want to know more.  WHY??? Is it wrong? Can I help anyone??? Or would a sharing of knowledge be wrong as well??? I’m so lost.  I know God has all the answers, I wish I could sit down and ask HIM…. But I can’t I can only trust him…. I just pray he guides me in the right path, I pray he helps me find pieces of my innocence again.

My mother told me when I was either 9 or 11, since those are the numbers that stay vivid in my mind, that I could no longer run around the house naked after taking a shower.  She taught me that shame…. That shame that eve taught adam…. Funny, women are the ones I blame for most negative occurrences….

 I’ve always been that way since, shy about showing certain parts, I’ve worked in a strip club for 2.5 years, and still, after seeing naked women around me everywhere in my workplace and half the time of the week, I still have never shown myself willingly ever…. At least not to women.

 Lyrics in music, to thoughts and actions from other people, words that are said, materials people grow fond of before all things, money and wanting more of it…. It’s all wrong, and it CAN be proven… if u do believe in something, whether it be GOD or Allah, Buddah, or some kind of higher power that is good, with an opposite being bad…. Evil these things are, it’s all around us…. And society instills in people a thirst for MORE knowledge, at least in me.  How do things work?  How do things happen?  Wanting to know everything about everything…. Sometimes to be able to speak about topics and always be right, or to not get lost in intelligent conversation, the reasons are endless.  But this thirst for knowledge, knowledge itself, is god-like, which is wrong, it is blasphemy, it is what he told adam and eve to stay away from…. Is that in fact, original sin???

I long for purity…. It’s not like the longing of any other human being.  Innocence is such a rare treasure, given to us by the Lord himself, without us having to ask…  beautiful virginity is counted as true innocence, I used to believe so myself as well.  But what most don’t understand is that innocence itself is so much more… so very much more that I once was but no longer am…  innocence is pure, it is golden.

 What is innocence u ask?  Well, yes, being virgin is considered innocence…. But when that is gone, nothing is really taken but that, just virginity… all other innocence is still left behind, unless one has lost all the other innocence first… but in my case, I’m not quite sure which came first.  Innocence is everything Knowledge isn’t… Knowledge is knowing the difference between right and wrong…. Knowledge is NOT being blind from bad, evil if u will, things…. Knowledge is recognizing evil, and when this occurs, u know ur innocence is gone.

 It happened at the dawn of time on earth… when God made adam and eve.  The tree of knowledge he forbade them to eat from…. Eve was tempted by the serpent, but was it really temptation??? For she in fact, listened without hesitation.  And then to adam, and they knew.  They knew they were naked before God. As I always knew from the moment when my boobs were becoming larger and I started growing hair in strange places….

             Abortion should not be outlawed for many reasons. First off it is the woman's choice to either get the abortion or not, it IS her body. Women can decide on having an abortion for several reasons. These reasons include whoever the father is, personal lifestyle, and financial reasons.  The effects of abortion can have positive impacts on society as well.

Some pregnant women decide to get abortions because they’re not financially stable, they know that bringing a child into the world can interfere with what little money they have, and know that they wouldn’t be able to support their baby as well as they might be able to in the future, when they’re really ready for children.  With abortion being legal, those women who can’t afford babies can improve their lives before the day comes that they are, in fact, financially ready to have babies.

If a woman is pregnant with a baby and she is addicted to drugs, and still decides to keep the baby, it could be born with serious health problems.  There are so many cases that include babies being born addicted to heroin, premature births, and retardation that result from drug addicts giving birth.  The legalization of abortion has helped a lot in those scenarios.  Because abortion is legal such cases have been reduced, even prevented.  It is better for a fetus to not be if they’re going to have health conditions that would interfere with their life.  Life is hard enough as it is.

Some would say to go on birth control, or to use condoms to prevent unwanted pregnancies, but humans do, in fact, make mistakes, and sometimes don’t have the financial means for such prevention.  Abortion may be the final answer for those people and it being legal is a great thing!  And not to sound cold hearted, but think of the great population control that comes from abortion on this way over-populated planet.

Hummer trucks should be outlawed; to be more specific, all automobiles with V8 engines or larger that aren’t used for jobs should be illegal.  The larger the engine of an automobile, the more gas it uses; the more gas it uses, the more pollution is released into the air.  Almost everyone is aware of the current serious problem of global warming.  Over the past forty years, the use of CO2 from fossil fuels has increased exponentially.  The petroleum we currently use for cars has one major problem: it’s a natural resource that cannot be renewed.  When a natural resource cannot be renewed, it will eventually run out.  The fuel automobiles currently use also releases a great deal of pollution into the atmosphere, which has had an effect on the Earth’s ozone layer and, in turn, affected global warming. 

In order to slow the process of global warming, people in European countries and other places have already limited their automobile usage to cars with no more than 4 cylinders.  In some areas of the world, people don’t even use cars – and those places aren’t necessarily third world countries.  In Thailand, for example, some people use scooter-like vehicles in order to get around.  Really large cities, like Tokyo and Beijing, people rely mostly on subway trains and their legs for transportation.  Those people have realized that saving the Earth from global warming is the responsibility of humans -- people who drive smaller cars because of this are doing the right thing.

It’s great that foreign places have already outlawed unnecessary large-engined automobiles, now the United States should do the same.  The problem with Americans is that they’re so spoiled with everything, including natural resources.  Americans have such big egos, that they feel they need big cars and trucks with V8 engines or larger to make them feel more powerful and/or tough.  In reality, the only thing we’re doing is hurting our home, Earth.  So, Hummers and other huge trucks should be illegal in order to help stop global warming.

He said in that scenario, he would move his hand to let his baby breathe.  I told him whether or not he moved his hand, the baby would die anyway.  If he didn’t move his hand, the baby would suffocate and die, and if he did move his hand, everyone along with the baby would die.  So as far as the baby’s life (or breathing at least) went, it was a lose lose situation.  After he heard me say all that, he still decided he would let the baby breathe.  Of course, his reasoning is irrational.  It was like he was saying that the life of the baby was more important than all the lives of the villagers as a whole.  When he said that, all I really heard was, “If my baby can’t live, no one should live.”

In order to prove to my boyfriend that consequentialism was, in fact, apparent in the example of the 1^st paragraph, I had to change around the scenario a little bit.  I told him to imagine that all the Jewish people hiding underneath the floor with him, were his entire family on his mother’s side – an entire generation.  With that said, I then asked him again what he would do.  “I would let my baby suffocate and die.” he said.  It was like he was saying that all the lives of his family members were more important than the life of his baby.  It didn’t matter if his family members had already lived their lives, and it didn’t matter if all his family members happened to be mentally challenged.  It didn’t matter if his family might’ve been composed of child molesters and perhaps, drug dealers.  It also didn’t matter whether the baby was going to grow up to save the world someday… what mattered was his inherent family, and not himself, or a little baby that came from him.  One of the main things I heard when he said that was, “My family’s name matters more than anything else.”

So it turned out that there was one thing that was more important than his baby’s life, his family.  It seems to me that he would be considered an egoist then.  Being that each member of his family is a piece of him, as is the baby (one little piece), he will act in that interest because he feels that the more pieces of him; the more important (can be considered somewhat selfish).  I told him it sounded like in olden times he could’ve been a king, being that a king always acted in favor of his royal family, and not in any favor of the peasants (which would be villagers not related to him).  Learning that my boyfriend is egotistical… is not very pleasant.

Libertarianism declares that liberty is the determining factor of moral standards.  Libertarians believe liberty is the same as minimal interference.  Bob thinks he’s a libertarian.  Bob doesn’t talk to other people about problems in his relationship with his girlfriend.  He doesn’t believe in doing that; he feels it isn’t anyone’s business.  If he were to talk to others about him and his girlfriend’s problems, a lot of unnecessary trouble would occur.

When someone tells someone else about their personal problems, they’re putting that information at risk.  If Bob told someone about an argument he might’ve had with his girlfriend, that person would most likely give Bob their two cents.  “I think you should break up with her.  Blah, blah, blah…” they might say.  Bob doesn’t want to hear something like that, and he definitely doesn’t want to deal with the possibility that that person might tell someone else… so he doesn’t share his personal problems with others.

One afternoon, Bob’s friend, Tim, was talking on the phone with his sister, Sally.  Sally was venting to Tim about how her boyfriend was in her opinion, mistreating her.  Sally’s boyfriend had done something silly like leave the toilet seat up, and she took it personal.  When Sally told Tim this, he immediately told her she should break up with him.  Sally hung up the phone on Tim and he in turn told Bob about his phone conversation with Sally.  Bob responded to Tim by saying, “Yeah, she should break up with him; I never liked that guy for her, anyway.  As a matter of fact, when I see her again I’m going to tell her to break up with him myself.”

Some would say Bob isn’t being true to his beliefs.  Those people are on the right track.  Bob’s not a true libertarian, because he’s decided to meddle with Sally and her boyfriend’s life.  He wouldn’t like it if someone were to do that to him; he, in fact, wouldn’t have it.  If Bob is realistic, he will decide he isn’t a libertarian after all; he’ll decide he’s an egoist.  If he’s not realistic, he’d probably be a subjectivist.  If Bob is truly in love with Libertarianism, and really wants to be one, he should remember the golden rule.  He should treat others the way he wants to be treated, or at least, not treat them at all.